It's Going

Thats about all I can really say about my WL now is that it's going Nowhere which is EXACTLY what I want!!  I have been bouncing around within a few lbs and that is exactly what I want!  I am very happy with my size of clothes and am happy with myself now and I want to stay here!  The other day I had to buy some more work clothes (because I guess I can't do my job effecitivly if I'm wearing jeans??) and I tried on a size 8 skirt and it was loose so I figured what the hey I'll try on a 6!  OMFG It FIT!!!!!!  I know I have said it before but I NEVER thought I would be this size! LOL 

I was looking back through pictures on FB on the other day and seeing all these shots of me before surgery and I see how big I was but I remember that I never really thought of myself as being that big but I really was!  I am SO HAPPY to be where I am now and I hope I can maintain this forever!!

Maintaining?

So now it's time to maintain my weight but I am not 100% sure how to do that?  I hit my goal weight and then bounced right back up 5lbs and then slowly came back now and now today I'm at my lowest yet of 149.2.  I had some friends comment on how "Skinny" I was now and how I may be losing too much weight.  I don't know what to think about this?  I feel good and I feel like I still have curves but these ladies opinions do matter to me, they are just honest friends!  I don't want to be too skinny and I am happy with my current size clothes so I really just need to figure out this maintaining thing! The other problem is I am now anemic again :(  The doc called today and I have to start of supplements again! BOO  I just hope I can get it under control quickly.

A week in my Sleeve

So hubby and I were talking about WLS and how it is needed by some people but many people really just need to find a way to change their brain and way of thinking about food and exercise.  SO, in order to see how easy or hard it may be Shane is going to eat Exactly what I eat for 1 week!  Starting tomorrow (Wednesday) I am going to make him breakfast, lunch and dinner and he will eat exactly what I eat!  My normal day looks a little like this,
B - 3/4 C Special K Cereal with 1/2 C 1% Milk
L - 3.5oz of Ham
D - 2 egg omelet with 2 slices of bacon or 1 sausage link and 1/4 C of cheese

I also drink about 120oz of water, 3 C of coffee and 1 Diet Soda!

I know my husband is "strong" enough to handle this but he is going to be a Grouch! LOL  The final of all of this is TDay dinner where he can eat whatever he wants!! LOL

1 Year

This past year has been Crazy, Wonderful, Insane, Amazing and I wouldn't change it for anything! One year ago today I made the choice to change my life (and mind and body) forever! I have made some pretty awesome choices in my short 33 years thus far but this is without a doubt one of the Best choices I have made (besides Husband and Daughter!) I feel like even though I may not be happy with my job or whatever I am so happy to just being living as ME! The ME that deep down inside I knew was there but just had a hard time finding her. I was given this gift and I have used it to my advantage everyday in order to find that "skinny" girl inside me! I do still have my moments where I don't mentally feel like I'm thin and honestly I still feel FAT, very fat It makes me very sad when sit here and think about how I feel in those moments because looking in the mirror just proves that I am far from fat! But I know that I do not see the same person in the mirror that others see when they look at me. I have been called "skinny" by others recently (those I'm not close with) and it's very surprising to me that people do think that when they see me because again, I do not see that! I do see/feel Healthy and that is really what it was all about! I want to live a long Happy life and being obese wasn't going to get me that!
Some of you may know that I didn't come into this decision all by myself. A very large part of my choice was because it was supposed to be my husband and I both doing it and then in the end he didn't do it. I still wish ALL THE TIME that he would have so that he can feel the same amount of JOY that I feel in being so healthy but I do have  faith that he will evently get there. But even though I didn't choose this 100% for me in the very begining it is ALL about me Now! LOL

GOAL!!!

WOOHOO!!  GOAL Weight Today!!!  11 months and 3 weeks and I'm There!!!  There were so many days that I really didn't know if I would make it here or not but I Did It!!!!  It's such a FANTASTIC feeling that I can't even describe! LOL

I went from 250.8lbs to 150.8lbs in less then a year!  Size 24W (wide LOL) pants to a size 8 and a 2-3XL top to a Med, ring size 9-10 to a 6-7ish (don't know for sure yet) and even my shoe size went down partially because I don't need a Wide one anymore! HEHE

Now, how do I reward myself?? LOL  I have learned that food is Not a reward so I think I need to Shop! hehe

I was Runnin'

So a BIG part of my WL has been exercise and speifically Running/jogging/walking!  This weekend Sarah got me to sign up for a Race in the middle of the night.  The whole thing was about how you started at 1:50am and then the clocks change back at 2:00am so you get a Negative time on your race!  The charity was for Wounded Warriors so I was in!  When I got to the race in the middle of the night last night there was a Great Surprise for me, SARAH!  She flew in to spend time with friends and come run the race! YAY!  Well then after she came home with me last night to crash for just a short minute we decided to run/walk a race this morning!  This mornings race was my first 8K!! WOOHOO!!  Grated, I didn't run it, we walked pretty much the whole thing but it was so Great to spend time with Sarah catching up on everything that been happening over the last few months! 
I am CRAZY sore after running a 5K and walking an 8K but I feel FAN FREAKING TASTIC for doing it!!!

24.8

24.8 is my BMI!!!!!!!  OMFG I can't believe that according to the doctors charts I now have a NORMAL BMI!  I went from having a 39.9 BMI which is considered Class 2 Obesity and only like a pound away from being Morbidly Obese and depending on who you talked to they would just say I was Morbidly obese but not anymore!!!!  I seriously don't remember the last time I was a "Normal" weight according to any doctor or chart (probably like 8th grade!)  It's an AMAZING feeling and I want to continue to feel this way for the rest of my life!!!!

11 months

So today I am 11 months post op and I have had my first "freak out" about my weight!  I haven't really lost/nor gained over the last few months and it's really hitting me now that I really want to hit my goal weight.  I have just let my body go and do what it wanted to do as far as my weight loss went but I have always said I wanted to hit goal by my 1 year mark and now that I'm down to only 1 month left I am really freaking out!  I feel that I have really been doing good for me and I think I know what it's going to take during maintence but I don't want to be in maintence yet, I still want/NEED to lose 8-10lbs!!  I am drinking a TON of water each day, watching my carb intake (now I'm going to try and lower it even more) and make sure I'm getting enough protein in.  But I guess my exercise has been lacking and what I have been doing is the same thing so I guess I really need to mix it up and start doing something different.  I have been losing my motivation again and I need to find it and get back to it! I have my finals this weekend and then I'm done with school so no more excuses about needing to do that instead of working out! I need some workout partners again, that always helps keep my motivation going!!!
I do think my body is going through some adjustments again.  My face is breaking out, more hair on the face, weight not moving, headaches, foods that I have ate before now not agreeing with me!  I've been sick more times in the last three weeks then I have in the last 11 months and I'm NOT happy about it!  I HATE getting sick!  Just today, I made a protein shake for lunch and within minutes it was right back up :( UGH!
I know this is a journey, not a race but for whatever reason I have just always had it in my head that I was going to hit goal by 1 year!  I know I should be happy where I am, I'm HEALTHY and happy with  my size but I want to see those numbers on the scale!
Recent NSV as I was doing laundry last night I grabbed a pair of my jeans and was going to fold them and thought to myself, "Whose jeans are these?" I knew they were too big to be Pax but no way they were mine, their too small!  Nope they aren't too small, they are mine and I'm wearing them right this second! LOL

10 Months

10 Months post op and have now officially had the BEST NSV thus far - SIZE 8 JEANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I CANNOT believe that I am in single digit size!!!  Went to the Mall because I had time to kill and figured I would try on some jeans.  I grabbed size 10 and 8 in each of their different styles (diva, flare, sweetheart, etc) and some of them didn't fit, in either size, but the 8s in these awesome skinny jeans sure do fit!! WOOHOO!!!  I am still yoyoing with my weight just a little right around 158-160 but I am loosing size!  I had Shane take a few pics of me for my 10 month and also here is a picture of me in the dressing room with the size 8 jeans on!!

Before Picture and Now Picture

I was looking through pictures on my computer this weekend with my neighbor to show her my before shots since she didn't know me then and I came across this photo and was BLOWN away!  I tell ya it's still so weird for me.  I sit here and don't feel like I'm that much of a different (looking) person from 9 months ago but then I see the pictures and I'm like OMFG!! LOL

150something

My goal has ALWAYS been to weigh 150lbs.  I think this is a good number for my body and I have never come this close to weighing it!  I was OVERJOYED this morning when I stepped on the scale and it said 159.4!! A part of me knows that I will hit my goal weight but there is another side that is really reluntant to believe it.  I've done this weight thing A LOT throughout my life and I just don't want to be disspointed again.  I know that since I have been sleeved everything is different but you can't help but think about the what-ifs. 

I have been REALLY bad about exercise over the last few weeks.  I have done NOTHING :( UGH I know, horrible!  I sit here and I'm So tired and I say I can't work out, I'm tired, well I'm tired because I'm getting no physical exercise! I really just need to bring my workout clothes to work and get my butt over to the gym after work, no more excuses!

Eating, well it's been good and bad.  I've been very snacky lately and I know it's because I've let myself eat a lot more carbs and not as much protein!  That will always be a work in progress though.  I will find a good balance for a little bit and something will change.  I know the rest of my life will be working towards a good balance!

BUT Overall I am SO HAPPY with where I am!!!  159 BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Changes

So I know I have physcially changed with the weight loss, it's right there, very apparent that I have lost a lot of weight (unless you are just meeting me) but what isn't right there in your face is the change that has happened on the inside.  I can say that yes I am the same person I have always been but it is really different.  Self-confidence does a lot of things to people in good and bad ways.  When I was heavy I was really good about putting a "face" on and making people believe that I was self-confident but deep down inside I really wasn't.  Now with the weight loss I have been becoming more and more self-confident and I know it shows in the clothes I wear, how I carry myself and my just over all demeanor.  SO I got a strange idea that with all of this change I should change my looks even more and I cut off all my hair!  This was HUGE for me.  I have had the same hair style my WHOLE life and have always been too scared to do anything different.  So here I sit with a "new" body and a new haircut and now I am starting to feel not so confident anymore!  I know that doing something this drastic with my hair is going to take time to get used to so I am trying to be paient! It's so crazy that I can go from feeling so great about myself to not feel so great about myself!  I keep telling myself that yes it is a lot of what I feel about myself but also how my husband feels about me and he swears he LOVES my haircut and he wants me to keep my hair super short from here on out!  I am a whole new person and I do feel that this hair cut shows that!

8 Months

Okay well I'm not really all the way there yet but super close and I had a quick minute to post! LOL  I still LOVE my sleeve!!  Things have been going Super well in my journey!  I haven't been losing super fast but I am okay with that.  I am down to only like 15lbs away from goal weight so I figured it would slow down some.  This week I have really been trying to get back to basics though and pay attention to my protein intake and lower my carb intake and I feel even better because of it!!  I will officially weigh in on Monday but it seems that I did lose a good amount this week but I know my weight does change a lot throughout the week!  I had hubby take pictures today because we had a minute and I also learned how to make them into side by side pictures!  So here is my before and now picture!  Down approx. 85lbs!!

Adjustments

Adjustment is the best word I can think of right now for what I feel I am going through!  Shoot, the past 7 months have been one big adjustment after another since Surgery but again I really feel that I'm going through another "big" one!  I am now back to living with my family and to cook and sit down for dinners together.  I have been eating SO BAD for months now and I think it is finally catching up with me.  I am still a firm believer that I don't want to be "dieting" but just want to eat healthy, enjoy what I can eat and just LIVE life!  I have been neglectful of my protein intake though so that MUST change!  I have also been out of touch with working out and after doing 2 5Ks this past weekend it showed!  Yes, my times were still "normal" for me but if I had been training and working out like I should they should have been better! 

I also haven't made another appointment with the NUT yet :(  She's kind of annoying so I don't know if I want to really deal with her until I get myself back on track!  So far this week things have been good except the scale :(  That dang thing is going to really annoy me this week!  I was up at my weigh in on Monday and so I went ahead and stepped on it on Tue and I was up even more! UGH :(  I have got all my protein in on Mon and Tue and I did a step class last night and I held 2lb weights and did arms throughout the whole 45 min class!! WOOHOO!!  Hurt but felt Great too! LOL

I LOVE to work out but I just have to find the time with my family being here!  I need to make myself get up early and go run because I have to admit, I do miss running!  CRAZY I know! LOL

So I totally feel that I am all over the place, which reading back over this I am! LOL  BUT that is me, I have always been all over the place so just deal with it!

I am happy though, that is for sure!  I am wearing a size 10 pants and a Med top and right now my weight is around 167.  I still want (SO BADLY) to see 150lbs but we'll see what my body has in store for me!  As for my size, I am HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!!  I haven't been a size 10 since HIGHSCHOOL!  It's still just so crazy to think that in highschool I was "fat" though at a size 10 and now I am rejoiceing to be this size! LOL

NSV - Non Scale Victory

Well I have had a few NSVs this past weekend and today and I thought I should share.  First was this weekend when I had two formal events.  I got A LOT of compliments (some might be considered inappropriate but I didn't think so! hehe) and I felt SEXY in both of my dresses!  It was a FAN FREAKING TASTIC weekend all together!

Then today I HAD to go buy some work clothes (am down to only two skirts and that is it that fits) and I was able to fit into Size 10 work pants (they usually run SMALL) and Medium shirts/dress!! WOOHOO!!  I swore I wasn't ever going to be in a Med. because I do have tatas and wide shoulers but I fit!!

Here's me in the dresses from this weekend!  The black one is a size 10 but there is no zipper and the other is a size 13 with a zipper!

6 Month Doctor Appointment

So I met my new surgeon today at NNMC Bethesda!  He's pretty cool/nice.  He went ahead and pulled my labs (vitas) so we'll see how they are once they come back!  When he first peaked his head in he quickly asked me what my "deal" was and as he was leaving he looked back and gave me the once over and said I looked Fabulous!  YAY I FEEL FABULOUS!! LOL  So he wants to see me again at 9, 12, 15-18 months and then 2 years and then he figures my yearly well women can cover from there on out! YAY!  He did talk a little about how I just need to continue with eating protein first, then veggies and then carbs which I know and I do TRY to do but I have to admit that I have been eating REALLY bad lately!  I can't wait to be all settled in my home with all MY things so that I can get back into a good routine of eating and working out!

Hormones

I have never been that emotional of a person. Yes, I have my times just like any one else but this is getting out of hand!  I knew that having a drastic/fast weight loss was going to really effect my hormones but damn it, I'm sick of crying already! LOL

I have been under A LOT of stress with this move, commute, buying house, starting new job, etc. but it's nothing that I can't handle.  I am a very strong person and I usually thrive better when put under a lot of pressure but I totally broke yesterday.  I cried almost all the way home :(  I guess I just needed to let it out but ugh, no more!

I sit here and think back through my journey thus far and this isn't the first time "I broke".  When I lost my wallet back in Jan, I totally broke then as well and I really didn't understand at the time why I was so emotional over it.  Yeah, it SUCKED and I was PISSED but why was I crying and So upset about it.  It's all because of these damn CRAZY HORMONES!

Scale Victory!

The best scale victory to date!  Weighed in at 169.8 this morning! YAY!  I haven't been in the 160s since 2003!  I'm also really shocked that I lost 4lbs this week! It hasn't been the best week of food choices while I was traveling but it does go to show just how much my sleeve does help me! I LOVE MY SLEEVE!

6 Month Pictures

6 Months

WOW, 6 months since surgery!! Where has the time gone? It's been a FABLOUS, WONDERFUL, CRAZY 6 months that is for sure! First I must say that I feel WONDERFUL! I haven't felt this good in a really long time. Not only is my weight and health doing so well it just seems that everything in life is falling right inline where it should be. We close on our house in less then two weeks and then my husband will finally be joining me here in MD (hes in NY finishing up the school year) and I LOVE my job (although I'm a little bored! LOL)!

So in the past 6 months I have learned a lot about my sleeve and my "new" self! I am still a work in progess and I'm sure I will be for a long time but at least I am really working on myself. I still have bad days when it comes to my feelings and food but I have learned so much of how I used food as a tool for my emotions and how I CAN'T do that!

I have started (with the help of an AMAZING friend) to change my "style" as well! It's time for it to be more suited to my personality and WEIGHT of course! LOL I've always been that girl that would just hide behind my clothes. Nothing would be form fitting, everything would hang on me, I wouldn't leave the house without my "hold me ins" on! LOL NOW, I'm buying clothes that FIT me, ones the "hug" my body and there are NO MORE "hold me's"! LOL

I have gone from a size 24 bottoms to a size 12 and a 2X top to a L!!! WOOHOOO!!! I know I am still loosing weight and I'm sure my size will move again but I swear even if it doesn't I'M HAPPY at this size!!!

I have my appt. with the new surgeon (since I moved away from my surgeon) next week so hopefully he'll put in for some labs so I can see where I'm at but I bet everything is going to come back just fine since I feel so Great!!

I can't say it enough, this is one of the BEST Thing I have EVER done in my life!!!!!!!

24,22,20,18,16,14,12

O.M.G. I am wearing a size 12!! WOOHOO!!!  It has been a crazy ride these past 5 3/4 months and I kept telling myself that I was probably going to stop at a 14 because that is as small as I can really remember being in my "adult" life.  I know I was a 12 as an adult but I can't remember it.  I was a 10 when I graduated highschool and I was the "big" girl then!  Shoot, I would seriously freak out if I do get into a 10 or lower now as a 30 something old mom!!!

It's really strange though because I have been this weight since I had my daughter almost 7 years ago.  My lowest weight since she was born was 173 and I was 174.6 today but then I was a size 14 and I was so happy then! LOL

It has really hit me today how far I have come.  Just in looking at the numbers.  I was a 2X top (some could have been a 3) and my biggest pants were a 24 but most of them were 22s.  Now I am a Large top and sometimes I do wonder if some I might fit a Medium and my pants are 12s!!  Crazy Awesome Wonderful I tell ya!

I did have what I see as a set back but it was really more a learning expereince last night.  I ate too fast and/or too much and I got sick :(  My first time getting sick and I was SO UPSET about it.  I tend to get down on myself pretty easy but I have such a GREAT friend to help remind me that it was not a set back or a failure but a learning expereince!!

Earth Day 5K with Milestones

So today was supposed to be my first ever 5K race but a few weeks back I decided to do the Scope it Out with my friends but I was still signed up for todays and it was AWESOME!  First I made a goal for myself to weight 175 by race day! Because of course I could run a race at 175lbs! LOL  Well earlier this week I didn't think I would make it as I was doing not so great :(  Well I DID! YAY!!  The scale was 175.6 this morning! WOOHOO!! 

Go to the 5K and found out there were hills :(  UGH I was not looking forward to this!  It was downhill at the start so that meant uphill at the end! SUCKY SUCK SUCK!!!  BUT, I did pretty good.  Could have done better but am VERY happy with my time of 36:17!! WOOHOO  Thats 1:40 better then the last race where there were NO hills! LOL

All in all it's been a GREAT day and the only thing that could have made it better was if my "real" family (because of course Mark and Sarah are Family) were here but they are having an enjoyable day in NY!

What a difference a year makes!

I was looking back at pictures of myself at Easter in 2010 while still in HI!  I knew I had really started to put weight on but it really didn't hit me until about 7 months ago when I was referred for WLS and then it was like, OMFG I AM FAT!!!  So anyways, the pictures of me at Easter last year and the picture of me Easter this year are a Crazy difference but a GOOD one!!!!

5 months

Well my 5 month mark has come and gone but dang I've been so busy!!  As of this morning (not my "official" weigh in) I was about 176!! WOOHOO!!  I'm wearing size 14 pants (but they are getting bigger and bigger!!) and still a Large top (think I might stay there).  I am as happy as happy can be with how everything has gone but now I just want to work more and more on my physical fitness!  I'm still doing 5Ks here and there and the other day I ran a 2 mile to see what my time was!  (23 mins) Shane and Paxton are here visiting this week so I had Shane take some pictures of me for my 5 month mark and I can't help be go back and forth from my before to nows and I'm still in awe that I really have changed so much!!!!

Goal Size

I have had in my mind all along that I wanted to have my goal size be a size 14.  I have been a size 14 in my adult life before and I think that is an okay size.  It's a very NORMAL size for woman!  Well, I'm there!!  I bought my first pair of 14 jeans last night and they fit but I noticed after about 2 hours of having them on, they are getting loose really quick while wearing them!  I brain is finaly starting to wrap around the idea that I just might end up a smaller size!!  I still have about 30+ pounds to loose to hit goal weight so I am betting I will end up smaller then a 14! WOOHOO!  It's just such an Awesome feeling!

Discourgaed

Sometimes I just get a horrible discourgaed feeling :(  This week, I gained again.  I figured I might or at least I knew I wasn't going to lose.  I have been totally out of wack since starting work again!  Last week I didn't get my normal protein in but am working on that this week and so far so good.  But I did step on the scale today and it read that I have gained a lb :(  I HATE SEEING THAT!!!!!  I know I shouldn't believe what my scale says each day because it changes so much but seeing that and also knowing what used to my normal eating patterns have all changed it sucks and makes me feel not so good :(

I also got my first "Look" today, and I'm not talking about the good kind.  I have never been private about my surgery but today I was in converstation with someone about it and when I said I had surgery I got "a look"!  Nothing was said further but it was that piety-lower class person-cheater type of look :(  I am PROUD of my discision to go with surgery and here I am 65lbs lighter in just 4 short months and am becoming physically fit so I say to those "lookers"  KICK ROCKS!

5K

I was up at 0630 (which is sleeping in now!!) and drank a small glass of milk.  Since my tummy seems a little sour in the mornings I wanted something in there right away but didn't want to eat anything before I ran!  We took the metro into the district and it was great to ask more questions of my friends who have been there done that a lot with races!  We were all happy go lucky just having a good ole time!  Get to the race area and of course I have to pee! LOL  Hit the ICKY potty and get "in line" to go!  We all started together but that didnt' last long!  I was SO COLD but so Excited and pumped up!  I started to jog soon and then run and then walk and run and walk and back and forth!  Felt like I was keeping a pretty good pace (a little slower then what I do on the treadmill)!  When I went by the water I did grab a bottle and take a few quick drinks and then ran with the water for a little bit.  Took another couple of sips and tossed it!  Which is so crazy to just throw something on the side like that, hated to do it but couldn't carry it and run! LOL  It wasn't until about 4K that I finally started to feel really warm! LOL  I had on my AWESOME Compression pants (from Old Navy) and I had on two long sleeve shirts and the run t-shirt and my gloves!! LOL My Ipod tells me it was 4.5K so I was trying to make sure I would be able to stop it and read my time when done and it all messed up and stoping reading my distance! UGH  SO annoyed! LOL  So I can really see the finish line and I started to run for it!  When I got there I threw my hands up in the air and if I could have I just might cried!!!!  I was feeling SO Elated!  Words can't really describe the crazy happy feeling I had coming across that finish line!  Shane didn't get a picture of me :(  I was totally bummed about that but Mark (my roomie) got a kinda okay one that I'm going to steal!  We did this run for Sarah's (my other roomie) Grandma!  We were team Joggin' for G-Ma so we accented ourselves in yellow because that is her favorite color!!
It was just so Awesome and such a Great feeling to know I DID IT!  I have ALWAYS wanted to run a race but even when I wasn't as heavy I never thought about running!  This has been a CRAZY 3-4 months leading up to where I am right now and again, it just feels AWESOME!!
I did find a place that they posted the times (since the Ipod stopped working right) and my final time was 37:58!!  It's a little longer then what I have done on the treadmill but it's a GREAT time for my first race!  I'm trying to not be ALL about my time but it is something to really WORK towards, beating myself!!

Overweight

So as of today's weigh in I am officially overweight and NOT obese!!!  Weighed in at 184 this morning!! WOOHOO!!!  It's crazy that I am so happy about being overweight but after being obese for so long this is a HUGE accomplishment!!  Now I really just need to keep going with the exercise since I started my new job today!  I have to find the time for working out, school work and regular Work!!!  Plus I MUST remind myself to Eat!  I went the whole day with no food today but of course never once was I hungry but I know that I need food!

16 Weeks

Today I am 16 weeks post-op and my weigh in this morning was Fablous!!  With clothes on I weighed in at 185.6 (nekkid 184.4).  I go by my with clothes number though since thats how I weigh at the doctors office!  So according to that I am .6 of a pound away from being ONLY overweight instead of Obese!! WOOHOO!!! 

These past 16 weeks have been Crazy, sucky, Wonderful and all around the Best!!! LOL  I have lost a total of 60lbs thus far and have another 35 to go to hit my goal!  I have set my goal at 150lbs which is on the high end of where I need to be per the charts!  If I go below then thats great but I at least want that 150 mark!

Here are a few pictures from this morning!

Gain

Well I knew that it would happen someday but I didn't think it would happen this quickly.  I gained weight this week :(  (1lb)  It’s a real sucky feeling but I have no one to blame but myself!  For the 4 days this past week I didn't get in enough protein and I know a big key to my weight loss is getting in 60+g of protein EVERYDAY.  I also took in a lot more carbs then I usually do and I didn't make it to the gym in two weeks now.  I was sick one week and then the next I just didn't go because I would have only been able to go one day since the rest we were out of town.  So like I said, My Fault all the way!  I KNOW what I need to be doing now I must just do it!  For whatever reason it seems that now I can "see" myself and my excuses better than I used to!  I guess before surgery I chose to not see and now I chose to see.  By making excuses I am just hurting myself and I don't want to do that!  I WANT to be healthy and lose all my weight, I WANT to feel good in my own skin and I WANT to be physically fit!  I can only do those things if I Choose to eat the right things and I go to the gym!  Today is a new day and I'm going to Choose the right way!

Every had a "Fat" Day?

Well I think I can officially say that today I am having a SKINNY day today!!  I didn't think I would ever hear myself say those words!!  Finally decided to get off my butt and put clothes on and we all were going to run to the store.  Went into the closet and grabbed a pair of jeans, well they didn't fit, WAY too big!  So I grabbed another pair and once again they were too big!  Tried the third pair one which is a pair I've been holding onto for sometime now because they were too small, yep  They FIT!!!  Seemed just a tiny tight but not much.  I still can't believe that I stood there in the closet just looking at my clothes going OMG I have no clothes and for the first time it was because everything was TOO BIG!!!!!!!!!!!  It was such a GREAT feeling!!!! BUT at the same time I'm Oh crap, I have no clothes to wear and I don't want to buy any because I'm still loosing weight! LOL  Such a double edged sword!

LARGE!!

Met with my surgeon this morning for my 3 month post-op appointment.  A few weeks ago I had all my labs drawn (all 10 vials of them!!) and everything was back and OMG I can't believe it, it was all GREAT!!!  NO Supplements at all!! WOOHOO!!!  Still have to keep up with my protein and also my daily vitamin but otherwise nothing else!!  She also said she was very happy with my progress and everything was great!  I also went and saw the NUT today and she also was very happy with my progress!  She looked up on her charts and says my "goal" weight should be 152 so MY goal is 150!  Today at the doctors office I weighed in at 192.7 but of course I am following my scale at home!  So after all the good news this morning I decided to go a "treat" myself with new clothes! hehe  The main point was to look at bras because they are shrinking :(  I'm not happy about this!  I didn't go through all that pain from having a reduction 5 years ago to totally loosing them now UGH!  Since my reductin I've been a D cup but it seems as if I might be a C cup now :(  Okay, I can deal with that but they better not move anymore!!  So I figured what the hey, I'll try on other stuff while I'm here!  I found my brown knee high boots FINALLY and even better was they were on sale for TEN DOLLARS!!!!!!  WOOHOO!!  I also grabbed another pair of tights and another pair of workout pants, that have a drawstring so they should last me longer!  The crazy part was I found a super cute dress and I remember Shane saying something about me wearing more dresses so I figured I would try it on.  I grabbed the XL and went to try it on.  It fit okay, seemed a little big so I figured I might as well try the Large and just see how much more I have to go until I get into it.  OMFG IT FIT!!!!!!!!!!!  It didn't just fit, it fit WELL!!!!  I was in a 2X when I started my journey just a mere 3 months ago and now I'm in a Large!!  HOW FREAKING AWESOME!  I also got a cute "v day" shirt that was also a large!!!  So I'll take the size large even if it means my boobies are shrinking!! hehe

Hmmmmm

I've been struggling a little when it comes to food lately!  First I need to make myself branch out more.  I want to try things I haven't had in a while but at the same time I'm scared! I hate that I'm scared!  I know that if I just take a bite and chew chew chew I shouldn't have any problems with anything but it still scares me.  Also I've really been struggling with wanting to eat more :(  I don't know exactly what is causing this but I feel like I want to keep eating.  The other night we went to the bowling alley and french fries sounded good.  They don't usually sound good and don't usually taste good either but I wanted them so we got some (I already had 90+g of protein for the day) and OMG they were FABLOUS with ketchup all over them!!  I ate like 4 of them and was STUFFED.  I WANTED MORE!!!!!!!  The taste was so good I wanted to continue that but I physcially couldn't and I know that is exactly why I had this surgery but the "fights" I have with myself are just crazy sometimes.  I know I am doing a good job and I know this was exactly what I wanted and needed and I will continue to have to adjust different parts of my life with food for the rest of my life but some days I just want to be "normal".  Then I remember that my "normal" equaled fat and I don't want to be fat!

3 months!!

Today I am officially three months post-op! YAY!!  It's been a crazy journey but I am still so happy with my decision to do surgery!  I feel better then I have in YEARS and I know it's going to only get better!  I have my 3 month appointment later this week with my doc and I've already had all my labs drawn so hopefully they'll be back by then so I can see if I am deficent in anything.  I know I'm not the best about taking my vitamin everyday but I hope that hasn't caused me any harm???  We'll see!!  I'm to a point now where I can usually eat about 3 oz of meat at a time with about 1/4 C of veggies and a bite or two of a starch but most times I don't even make the starch!  I still haven't tried pasta yet but we did find an Adkins brand one that I think I might try soon!  I am also so surprised at myself for doing so well with soda!  I've been really craving it but I just keep telling myself about how bad it's going to hurt and I'm a big baby and don't want any pain! hehe
Okay, so I am offically down 51.6 pounds total in 3 months and 2 weeks because that was when I started the pre-op diet.  Since actual surgery I am down 43.8 pounds!! WOOHOO!!!  I am over half way to my goal and even though I don't want to pressure myself I would love to see that "magic" number by summer time!!!  I know it's possible but I also know that the body can do crazy things to us sometimes!  I want to continue to just "work" my sleeve and live a happy, healthy lifestyle!

Ice Cream!!

We had to put the new ice cream bowl in the freezer over night so we finally made the ice cream today!  It was Yummy!!  I used the mint chip recipe from "The world according to eggface"!  1 cup of milk, 2 scoops of vanilla protein powder, 1/8t mint extract, 1/8t gree food coloring and 2 sugarfree pepermint patties!!  Using the new attachment was cool and SUPER easy too!!  I can't wait to try the peanutbutter cup one next! hehe

I bought

An Ice Cream attachment for my Kitchen Aid so I can make Protein Ice Cream!!! WOOHOO!!  I've really been craving Ice Cream so I finally had my husband go and buy some, but my sleeve didn't like that!  I wasn't sick or anything but "she" was talking to me for HOURS after I ate it  and I just wasn't feeling good!  So the blog, The world according to eggface, has a TON of recipes for Ice Cream that has protein and sugar free!! YAY!!!  I can't wait to try it out!

5K

One of my goals for 2011 (and post surgery) is to complete a 5K race!  I don't have a specific time in mind that I want to complete it in I just want to complete it!  I don't know why I have wanted to do one for so long considering I really don't enjoy running but I know that running is GREAT exercise and I'm so determinded to get and keep my weight off!!

So I paid my fees yesterday for the Earth Day 5K race on the 30th of April!!  I have a few months to prepare/train and see how it goes!  I'm going to get fitted for shoes this weekend and when it gets closer to race time I will buy new clothes!  No point in buying clothes right now since I'm still losing the weight! 

It's a Good thing but I'm SAD!

So just before Christmas it started to really hit me that I'm going to have to go through my closet because a lot of clothes were already not fitting so well.  Well FINALLY I went through the WHOLE closet today and OMG it's Crazy!  I tried on ALL of my clothes to see where I was at!  I ended up getting rid of (donating to the goodwill) 13 shirts, 8 pants, 1 dress and 3 pairs of shoes!!!!!!!!!! OMG Just think, each shirt probably cost me around $8-12 and each pair of pants was at least $15 and shoes also about $15 - right there I ended up getting rid of $250-$300 worth of PERFECTLY GOOD CLOTHES!!! UGH!  I know this is a GREAT thing because I am losing the weight and becoming a Healthy me finally but man, it's hard!!!

Need to find Balance

Since having WLS everything has changed!  Not only with my own life and how I eat and behave because of the eating change but also in my marriage and in myself as a mother, I mean everything!  Shoot, just after surgery I lost my job even and if that isn't a BIG change I don't know what else is! LOL

So things have really been going REALLY good for me though.  I've hit a few rough patches since surgery but for the most part it really has been a pretty easy transition.  That is until now.  I'm really..... Well I don't really know what I am but I need to get it figured out SOON!

Before surgery, and for as long as I can remember I have been an emotional eater.  I eat when I'm happy, mad or sad, shoot you name the emotion I would eat because of it!  Well I know that isn't what I should be doing and it's not what I'm doing right now but I feel that my emotions are coming out the way they should without having my crutch of food there.

I've been dealing with my wallet being lost/stolen over the past week and I just keep getting worse and worse news about being able to obtain new IDs and I am just SO MAD right now and I don't know what to do with myself.  I want to eat because that is what I'm used to doing, not because I'm hungry (I don't get hungry at all).  I want to eat because I don't want to cry any more.  I hate crying but I have seemed to do a lot of that this past week and it SUCKS!  I want to eat because I can't work out.  Hubby is home at all times and I'm not comfortable doing an at home dvd with him sitting there making fun of me and it's like 0 degrees outside and I'm a WIMP in the cold.  I really wish I could just go to the gym because I know I can release a lot of anger there but alas, must have ID to go :(

I LOVE to cook/bake but then I have food in my house staring at me calling my name and I refuse to eat it!  Shoot, today has been so bad with my emotions and me WANTING to eat that I have stayed completely clear of all food and haven't ate anything.  And I know this isn't the answer either!  I NEED to eat; I NEED to get in my protein because that helps me lose weight.  I NEED the nutrients that food gives me but I'm so scared of myself right now that if I do eat I'm sure I'll go straight for the bad stuff :(

I've tried to pray and leave it all in God's hands which I know is what I should be doing but dang it, he made me and he knows that I'm a TOTAL CONTROL FREAK and right now I am feeling Totally OUT of control and I Hate it!

I NEED to be working again!  I NEED to not be sitting in my house each and every day and thinking of all of this!  My life flows really well when there is a better balance in it and I just need to find that balance once again!

ONEDERLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am here and I'm NEVER LEAVING AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So official weigh in this morning was 199.8! LOL  Barely there but I'm there!!  I just need to continue to make my protein goals everyday and working out and I know it's going to continue to just melt off!!

I am also 8 weeks out from surgery today and I have lost 38lbs in those 8 weeks and total (counting the two week pre-op diet) I have lost 46 lbs!!!

Here is a picture of before surgery (but after the two week pre-op), the second one is at 4 weeks and the third is today at 8 weeks!!

Cupcakes

DANG IT DANG IT DANG IT!!!!!!!!!!!

Now the time starts that I must get my mind right!  Thus far my sleeve has pretty much done all the work for me on what I ate because I couldn't eat much of nothing but now it seems that almost anything is going down just fine!  So here I am with a kitchen full of cupcakes because stupid me wanted to decorate them and I found out that the mini ones I made go down okay :(  NOT GOOD!!!! 

Also, I know that most all foods that I have tried are going down okay so I MUST make good choices!  I didn't go through all this for nothing, thats for sure!!

So my protein has been good for the past three days, 60+ grams and I have to keep it that way.  I need to get some fresh veggies and start to steam them and have them at lunch and dinner!  I still LOVE eggs (whites only) and cheese so I'm good there! 

I can eat 2oz of meat at a time now so that is helping with my protein!  Maybe I'll visit another blog I read because I think I remember seeing something about protein cupcakes on her site????

DANG IT I want another mini cupcake!! NO NO NO I will say!!! hehe

Guess I should go make dinner and fill up on my protein first!!

7 Weeks Post-Op

So in 7 weeks I have lost 37.2lbs and total since I started this journey I have lost 45lbs (9 weeks)!! WOOHOO!!!  I have NEVER lost that much weight that fast! YAY!  I still feel GREAT and everyday am happy that I chose to have surgery! 

We have been gone for the last couple of weeks on vacation in Nebraska and it's been very interesting.  I have learned for sure that I don't want bread (maybe a piece of toast with PB here and there) but no bread.  I ate one hushpuppie from LJS and OMG my poor tummy was SO FULL!  I actually went out to eat A LOT while traveling and it was different, way different then before.  Just the amount of food is HUGELY different but also the taste of the food is different.  We went to my "favorite" fast food taco place in Lincoln, Amigo's, and it wasn't as good any more :( 

I also started to eat a lot of other foods such as chicken and it was GOOD!! LOL  It's still difficult to find foods that I'll eat or can eat enough of that have protein in them but I'm still learning.

A really bad part was that I didn't get in my protein each day :(  I had all the stuff to make protein drinks but I just couldn't force myself to do it :(  I'm SICK of protein drinks already but I know that I need it and it will help me lose the weight!  I just want to find something to actually eat with more protein in it!

I saw the doctor a few weeks ago before I left and had all my blood work drawn but I haven't heard back yet if I need anything else!  I have been really bad about taking my vitamin so I also need to make myself do that so that I don't become low on anything if I'm not already!

All in all though, things are going AWESOME!  I LOVE my Sleeve and everyday I become happier and happier with the new me!