5K

One of my goals for 2011 (and post surgery) is to complete a 5K race!  I don't have a specific time in mind that I want to complete it in I just want to complete it!  I don't know why I have wanted to do one for so long considering I really don't enjoy running but I know that running is GREAT exercise and I'm so determinded to get and keep my weight off!!

So I paid my fees yesterday for the Earth Day 5K race on the 30th of April!!  I have a few months to prepare/train and see how it goes!  I'm going to get fitted for shoes this weekend and when it gets closer to race time I will buy new clothes!  No point in buying clothes right now since I'm still losing the weight! 

It's a Good thing but I'm SAD!

So just before Christmas it started to really hit me that I'm going to have to go through my closet because a lot of clothes were already not fitting so well.  Well FINALLY I went through the WHOLE closet today and OMG it's Crazy!  I tried on ALL of my clothes to see where I was at!  I ended up getting rid of (donating to the goodwill) 13 shirts, 8 pants, 1 dress and 3 pairs of shoes!!!!!!!!!! OMG Just think, each shirt probably cost me around $8-12 and each pair of pants was at least $15 and shoes also about $15 - right there I ended up getting rid of $250-$300 worth of PERFECTLY GOOD CLOTHES!!! UGH!  I know this is a GREAT thing because I am losing the weight and becoming a Healthy me finally but man, it's hard!!!

Need to find Balance

Since having WLS everything has changed!  Not only with my own life and how I eat and behave because of the eating change but also in my marriage and in myself as a mother, I mean everything!  Shoot, just after surgery I lost my job even and if that isn't a BIG change I don't know what else is! LOL

So things have really been going REALLY good for me though.  I've hit a few rough patches since surgery but for the most part it really has been a pretty easy transition.  That is until now.  I'm really..... Well I don't really know what I am but I need to get it figured out SOON!

Before surgery, and for as long as I can remember I have been an emotional eater.  I eat when I'm happy, mad or sad, shoot you name the emotion I would eat because of it!  Well I know that isn't what I should be doing and it's not what I'm doing right now but I feel that my emotions are coming out the way they should without having my crutch of food there.

I've been dealing with my wallet being lost/stolen over the past week and I just keep getting worse and worse news about being able to obtain new IDs and I am just SO MAD right now and I don't know what to do with myself.  I want to eat because that is what I'm used to doing, not because I'm hungry (I don't get hungry at all).  I want to eat because I don't want to cry any more.  I hate crying but I have seemed to do a lot of that this past week and it SUCKS!  I want to eat because I can't work out.  Hubby is home at all times and I'm not comfortable doing an at home dvd with him sitting there making fun of me and it's like 0 degrees outside and I'm a WIMP in the cold.  I really wish I could just go to the gym because I know I can release a lot of anger there but alas, must have ID to go :(

I LOVE to cook/bake but then I have food in my house staring at me calling my name and I refuse to eat it!  Shoot, today has been so bad with my emotions and me WANTING to eat that I have stayed completely clear of all food and haven't ate anything.  And I know this isn't the answer either!  I NEED to eat; I NEED to get in my protein because that helps me lose weight.  I NEED the nutrients that food gives me but I'm so scared of myself right now that if I do eat I'm sure I'll go straight for the bad stuff :(

I've tried to pray and leave it all in God's hands which I know is what I should be doing but dang it, he made me and he knows that I'm a TOTAL CONTROL FREAK and right now I am feeling Totally OUT of control and I Hate it!

I NEED to be working again!  I NEED to not be sitting in my house each and every day and thinking of all of this!  My life flows really well when there is a better balance in it and I just need to find that balance once again!

ONEDERLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am here and I'm NEVER LEAVING AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So official weigh in this morning was 199.8! LOL  Barely there but I'm there!!  I just need to continue to make my protein goals everyday and working out and I know it's going to continue to just melt off!!

I am also 8 weeks out from surgery today and I have lost 38lbs in those 8 weeks and total (counting the two week pre-op diet) I have lost 46 lbs!!!

Here is a picture of before surgery (but after the two week pre-op), the second one is at 4 weeks and the third is today at 8 weeks!!

Cupcakes

DANG IT DANG IT DANG IT!!!!!!!!!!!

Now the time starts that I must get my mind right!  Thus far my sleeve has pretty much done all the work for me on what I ate because I couldn't eat much of nothing but now it seems that almost anything is going down just fine!  So here I am with a kitchen full of cupcakes because stupid me wanted to decorate them and I found out that the mini ones I made go down okay :(  NOT GOOD!!!! 

Also, I know that most all foods that I have tried are going down okay so I MUST make good choices!  I didn't go through all this for nothing, thats for sure!!

So my protein has been good for the past three days, 60+ grams and I have to keep it that way.  I need to get some fresh veggies and start to steam them and have them at lunch and dinner!  I still LOVE eggs (whites only) and cheese so I'm good there! 

I can eat 2oz of meat at a time now so that is helping with my protein!  Maybe I'll visit another blog I read because I think I remember seeing something about protein cupcakes on her site????

DANG IT I want another mini cupcake!! NO NO NO I will say!!! hehe

Guess I should go make dinner and fill up on my protein first!!

7 Weeks Post-Op

So in 7 weeks I have lost 37.2lbs and total since I started this journey I have lost 45lbs (9 weeks)!! WOOHOO!!!  I have NEVER lost that much weight that fast! YAY!  I still feel GREAT and everyday am happy that I chose to have surgery! 

We have been gone for the last couple of weeks on vacation in Nebraska and it's been very interesting.  I have learned for sure that I don't want bread (maybe a piece of toast with PB here and there) but no bread.  I ate one hushpuppie from LJS and OMG my poor tummy was SO FULL!  I actually went out to eat A LOT while traveling and it was different, way different then before.  Just the amount of food is HUGELY different but also the taste of the food is different.  We went to my "favorite" fast food taco place in Lincoln, Amigo's, and it wasn't as good any more :( 

I also started to eat a lot of other foods such as chicken and it was GOOD!! LOL  It's still difficult to find foods that I'll eat or can eat enough of that have protein in them but I'm still learning.

A really bad part was that I didn't get in my protein each day :(  I had all the stuff to make protein drinks but I just couldn't force myself to do it :(  I'm SICK of protein drinks already but I know that I need it and it will help me lose the weight!  I just want to find something to actually eat with more protein in it!

I saw the doctor a few weeks ago before I left and had all my blood work drawn but I haven't heard back yet if I need anything else!  I have been really bad about taking my vitamin so I also need to make myself do that so that I don't become low on anything if I'm not already!

All in all though, things are going AWESOME!  I LOVE my Sleeve and everyday I become happier and happier with the new me!