Since having WLS everything has changed! Not only with my own life and how I eat and behave because of the eating change but also in my marriage and in myself as a mother, I mean everything! Shoot, just after surgery I lost my job even and if that isn't a BIG change I don't know what else is! LOL
So things have really been going REALLY good for me though. I've hit a few rough patches since surgery but for the most part it really has been a pretty easy transition. That is until now. I'm really..... Well I don't really know what I am but I need to get it figured out SOON!
Before surgery, and for as long as I can remember I have been an emotional eater. I eat when I'm happy, mad or sad, shoot you name the emotion I would eat because of it! Well I know that isn't what I should be doing and it's not what I'm doing right now but I feel that my emotions are coming out the way they should without having my crutch of food there.
I've been dealing with my wallet being lost/stolen over the past week and I just keep getting worse and worse news about being able to obtain new IDs and I am just SO MAD right now and I don't know what to do with myself. I want to eat because that is what I'm used to doing, not because I'm hungry (I don't get hungry at all). I want to eat because I don't want to cry any more. I hate crying but I have seemed to do a lot of that this past week and it SUCKS! I want to eat because I can't work out. Hubby is home at all times and I'm not comfortable doing an at home dvd with him sitting there making fun of me and it's like 0 degrees outside and I'm a WIMP in the cold. I really wish I could just go to the gym because I know I can release a lot of anger there but alas, must have ID to go :(
I LOVE to cook/bake but then I have food in my house staring at me calling my name and I refuse to eat it! Shoot, today has been so bad with my emotions and me WANTING to eat that I have stayed completely clear of all food and haven't ate anything. And I know this isn't the answer either! I NEED to eat; I NEED to get in my protein because that helps me lose weight. I NEED the nutrients that food gives me but I'm so scared of myself right now that if I do eat I'm sure I'll go straight for the bad stuff :(
I've tried to pray and leave it all in God's hands which I know is what I should be doing but dang it, he made me and he knows that I'm a TOTAL CONTROL FREAK and right now I am feeling Totally OUT of control and I Hate it!
I NEED to be working again! I NEED to not be sitting in my house each and every day and thinking of all of this! My life flows really well when there is a better balance in it and I just need to find that balance once again!
So things have really been going REALLY good for me though. I've hit a few rough patches since surgery but for the most part it really has been a pretty easy transition. That is until now. I'm really..... Well I don't really know what I am but I need to get it figured out SOON!
Before surgery, and for as long as I can remember I have been an emotional eater. I eat when I'm happy, mad or sad, shoot you name the emotion I would eat because of it! Well I know that isn't what I should be doing and it's not what I'm doing right now but I feel that my emotions are coming out the way they should without having my crutch of food there.
I've been dealing with my wallet being lost/stolen over the past week and I just keep getting worse and worse news about being able to obtain new IDs and I am just SO MAD right now and I don't know what to do with myself. I want to eat because that is what I'm used to doing, not because I'm hungry (I don't get hungry at all). I want to eat because I don't want to cry any more. I hate crying but I have seemed to do a lot of that this past week and it SUCKS! I want to eat because I can't work out. Hubby is home at all times and I'm not comfortable doing an at home dvd with him sitting there making fun of me and it's like 0 degrees outside and I'm a WIMP in the cold. I really wish I could just go to the gym because I know I can release a lot of anger there but alas, must have ID to go :(
I LOVE to cook/bake but then I have food in my house staring at me calling my name and I refuse to eat it! Shoot, today has been so bad with my emotions and me WANTING to eat that I have stayed completely clear of all food and haven't ate anything. And I know this isn't the answer either! I NEED to eat; I NEED to get in my protein because that helps me lose weight. I NEED the nutrients that food gives me but I'm so scared of myself right now that if I do eat I'm sure I'll go straight for the bad stuff :(
I've tried to pray and leave it all in God's hands which I know is what I should be doing but dang it, he made me and he knows that I'm a TOTAL CONTROL FREAK and right now I am feeling Totally OUT of control and I Hate it!
I NEED to be working again! I NEED to not be sitting in my house each and every day and thinking of all of this! My life flows really well when there is a better balance in it and I just need to find that balance once again!
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