Friday, November 15, 2013

3 Year Post Op

I decided to look back through this blog and “re-live” my journey in my own words.  It’s been very interesting to read through this.  One post really stuck with me though and that was my 2 year post-op post.  It was posted a few weeks after my two year anniversary  because it was hard for me to write just as this 3 year post is difficult for me to write.  I always thought that when I would hit these anniversaries I would be able to show off all the work I’ve done and be proud.  Well I am not proud of where I am right now HOWEVER, I am working very hard on being proud because even if I’m not at goal weight I am still HEALTHLY compared to where I was three years ago!
I don’t know if I’ll ever actual get back to “goal weight” and I am not focusing on that currently anyways.  I just want my clothes to fit well again! LOL I am not going to allow myself to even step on the scale, that is not what it is about any longer for  me, it’s just about eating right, getting exercise in and feeling better in my own skin! 
It’s crazy to think how much has changed in three years, in five years, in the last ten years!  I have ALWAYS struggled with my weight but I wasn’t even that “upset” about it as I was just over three years ago and what brought me to have surgery.  I’ve said it often and will continue to say, I am SO HAPPY that I decided to have surgery.  I do not regret this decision and never have and I doubt I ever will! 
Talking to Shane the other night about how it is Great that we can only eat X amount of food now instead of XXX amount of food however that shouldn’t be what its all about.  Yes, that is great that we can only eat a little but eating a little of CRAP gets me to where I am today – not where I want to be!  I’m sure weight wise I’m up at least 20lbs, if not closer to 30 at this point but like I said, it’s not about the number on the scale – it is  about the number on the size of my jeans! Hahaha I’m NOT buying any more, I MUST fit back into the ones I have!
So I SUCK at reaching goals and I make them and then never do anything with them.  Yes, I have completed a few goals here and there but the number of goals I have said I have set and not reached is far higher!  I’m trying to not say “My Goal Is XYZ” but rather just say it’s time to get back on track with eating better (more protein and less sugary junk!) and get back to working out a few times a week.
I have set a goal that I KNOW I will reach and that is in the year 2014 I want a run a Full Marathon! 26.2 miles!  HOLY CRAP AM I CRAZY???!!  Yep, I think I am!  I learned a lot about myself when I did training for a ½ Marathon and I Liked who I was then and I’m ready to be that person again!
The person I have been for the last year is not who I am and I need to find me again! The blog post from my 2 year anniversary says a lot about my work and how much I hate it and that has made me lose myself over the last year and it’s sad.  I am hoping that VERY Soon I can get out of here and forget this year happened – work wise at least!
Okay, so here we are, 3 years post-op and I am mostly happy and I am still Healthy but could always be better!  It’s time to put the Girl Scout cookies down and focus!  LET’S GO!

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