Inspiration!

So a Great friend told me not to long ago that I was an inspiration to her?! What? me? An inspiration to someone? This is a very odd concept to me because I have never been the person that people look up to! I was either that girl that parents didn't want the kids to be friends with to being the person that everyone did like because even though I could be crass and harsh (read Bluntly Honest) I was a friend to the end and my friendship didnt waiver but even though that was the case I still wasn't someone that you would normally look up to! I'm a mom, a wife and a friend. I'm Normal, just like anyone else and then add into that I was very over weight and eventually I was obese! That is definitely not something to look up to! So I finally decided that I would take control of my weight and had surgery. Yes, I do feel that I cheated somewhat. This process has been extrememly difficult and also easy for me! It was actually really easy loosing the weight, it seemed to just fall off of me and now I am finding the difficult part in being Keeping it off! Granted, I haven't gained much weight back (less then 5lbs) but weight is weight so I don't know how I can be an inspiration to anyone?

So I was told this by an Amazing friend who I love dearly and it's been on my mind since she said it to me almost a week ago. She told me I need to make sure to not make "fat" comments about myself and to have more respect for how far I have come and that I need to pick a "Begin to Win Again" date and just start going again! Well that date is Today! I will not sit here and say I will eat 100% like I should because damn it, I love food, But I will get my butt moving again in some shape or form! If I just do a quick circuit at home or if the weather is nice and I go for a walk or run, I will do some movement! I know a lot of my moodiness has been because the lack of exercise so dang it, that must change!

So back to the inspiration part. My wonderful friend went on to tell me that she loves me and is counting on me to be someone she looks up to and is inspired by! Say what? I feel like those are some Big shoes to fill and ya know my feet shrunk with the weight loss! LOL Anyways, I am NOT the type of person to let others down so damn it, To be be that inspiration to her (as she has been to me) then I'd better continue to show her that day in and day out! It's time to get moving again and live this healthy life I've always wanted for myself!

Food as comfort

Why is it that for that brief moment food makes you feel better? It used to last a lot longer for me but now it really is only a brief moment and then my brain catches up and says WTF did you just eat and my body says screw you now I'm going to make you hurt for eating that! But do I learn and not do it again, No!
I have been struggling really bad over the last few weeks, shoot the last few months! I thought a part of it was because I was wanting to see my family but I went and saw them and it didn't help :( shoot it might have made it worse!
I am missing my friends and family and it make it all worse we are doing really bad financially so we are stuck just being in the house with Nothing to do!
I have had to give up things that I really enjoy in order to save money and that just makes me feel worse about myself :(
So I have been eating like CRAP! I haven't been getting all my water in, no where near getting in my protein! I put weight on but 3/4 of it has come back off because now I'm just not eating! I know exactly what I am doing wrong but I don't know how to make myself be disciplined again and get myself going!
I know this is just a part of life, I'm going to struggle from time to time but it sure does suck while in stuck in the middle of it!
I really do Hate that I turn to food but I honestly don't know why else to do! I can talk to the few people who will listen until I'm blue in the face, they can't make it any better! I usually end up feeling worse because either I am reminded that so many others have it a lot worse then I do or I make the other person upset and that upsets me! It's just a sucky vicious circle! UGH!
I meet with the NUT tomorrow and I can already hear her telling me what I need to do, well I already Know what to do but please tell my brain to find a way to make my body do it! I feel like my body just wants to give up! I want to stay in bed and never get out but I am an adult and must go to work or that'll just make it worse so since I can't just sit in bed and cry, I eat instead!