Inspiration!

So a Great friend told me not to long ago that I was an inspiration to her?! What? me? An inspiration to someone? This is a very odd concept to me because I have never been the person that people look up to! I was either that girl that parents didn't want the kids to be friends with to being the person that everyone did like because even though I could be crass and harsh (read Bluntly Honest) I was a friend to the end and my friendship didnt waiver but even though that was the case I still wasn't someone that you would normally look up to! I'm a mom, a wife and a friend. I'm Normal, just like anyone else and then add into that I was very over weight and eventually I was obese! That is definitely not something to look up to! So I finally decided that I would take control of my weight and had surgery. Yes, I do feel that I cheated somewhat. This process has been extrememly difficult and also easy for me! It was actually really easy loosing the weight, it seemed to just fall off of me and now I am finding the difficult part in being Keeping it off! Granted, I haven't gained much weight back (less then 5lbs) but weight is weight so I don't know how I can be an inspiration to anyone?

So I was told this by an Amazing friend who I love dearly and it's been on my mind since she said it to me almost a week ago. She told me I need to make sure to not make "fat" comments about myself and to have more respect for how far I have come and that I need to pick a "Begin to Win Again" date and just start going again! Well that date is Today! I will not sit here and say I will eat 100% like I should because damn it, I love food, But I will get my butt moving again in some shape or form! If I just do a quick circuit at home or if the weather is nice and I go for a walk or run, I will do some movement! I know a lot of my moodiness has been because the lack of exercise so dang it, that must change!

So back to the inspiration part. My wonderful friend went on to tell me that she loves me and is counting on me to be someone she looks up to and is inspired by! Say what? I feel like those are some Big shoes to fill and ya know my feet shrunk with the weight loss! LOL Anyways, I am NOT the type of person to let others down so damn it, To be be that inspiration to her (as she has been to me) then I'd better continue to show her that day in and day out! It's time to get moving again and live this healthy life I've always wanted for myself!

Food as comfort

Why is it that for that brief moment food makes you feel better? It used to last a lot longer for me but now it really is only a brief moment and then my brain catches up and says WTF did you just eat and my body says screw you now I'm going to make you hurt for eating that! But do I learn and not do it again, No!
I have been struggling really bad over the last few weeks, shoot the last few months! I thought a part of it was because I was wanting to see my family but I went and saw them and it didn't help :( shoot it might have made it worse!
I am missing my friends and family and it make it all worse we are doing really bad financially so we are stuck just being in the house with Nothing to do!
I have had to give up things that I really enjoy in order to save money and that just makes me feel worse about myself :(
So I have been eating like CRAP! I haven't been getting all my water in, no where near getting in my protein! I put weight on but 3/4 of it has come back off because now I'm just not eating! I know exactly what I am doing wrong but I don't know how to make myself be disciplined again and get myself going!
I know this is just a part of life, I'm going to struggle from time to time but it sure does suck while in stuck in the middle of it!
I really do Hate that I turn to food but I honestly don't know why else to do! I can talk to the few people who will listen until I'm blue in the face, they can't make it any better! I usually end up feeling worse because either I am reminded that so many others have it a lot worse then I do or I make the other person upset and that upsets me! It's just a sucky vicious circle! UGH!
I meet with the NUT tomorrow and I can already hear her telling me what I need to do, well I already Know what to do but please tell my brain to find a way to make my body do it! I feel like my body just wants to give up! I want to stay in bed and never get out but I am an adult and must go to work or that'll just make it worse so since I can't just sit in bed and cry, I eat instead!

It's Going

Thats about all I can really say about my WL now is that it's going Nowhere which is EXACTLY what I want!!  I have been bouncing around within a few lbs and that is exactly what I want!  I am very happy with my size of clothes and am happy with myself now and I want to stay here!  The other day I had to buy some more work clothes (because I guess I can't do my job effecitivly if I'm wearing jeans??) and I tried on a size 8 skirt and it was loose so I figured what the hey I'll try on a 6!  OMFG It FIT!!!!!!  I know I have said it before but I NEVER thought I would be this size! LOL 

I was looking back through pictures on FB on the other day and seeing all these shots of me before surgery and I see how big I was but I remember that I never really thought of myself as being that big but I really was!  I am SO HAPPY to be where I am now and I hope I can maintain this forever!!

Maintaining?

So now it's time to maintain my weight but I am not 100% sure how to do that?  I hit my goal weight and then bounced right back up 5lbs and then slowly came back now and now today I'm at my lowest yet of 149.2.  I had some friends comment on how "Skinny" I was now and how I may be losing too much weight.  I don't know what to think about this?  I feel good and I feel like I still have curves but these ladies opinions do matter to me, they are just honest friends!  I don't want to be too skinny and I am happy with my current size clothes so I really just need to figure out this maintaining thing! The other problem is I am now anemic again :(  The doc called today and I have to start of supplements again! BOO  I just hope I can get it under control quickly.

A week in my Sleeve

So hubby and I were talking about WLS and how it is needed by some people but many people really just need to find a way to change their brain and way of thinking about food and exercise.  SO, in order to see how easy or hard it may be Shane is going to eat Exactly what I eat for 1 week!  Starting tomorrow (Wednesday) I am going to make him breakfast, lunch and dinner and he will eat exactly what I eat!  My normal day looks a little like this,
B - 3/4 C Special K Cereal with 1/2 C 1% Milk
L - 3.5oz of Ham
D - 2 egg omelet with 2 slices of bacon or 1 sausage link and 1/4 C of cheese

I also drink about 120oz of water, 3 C of coffee and 1 Diet Soda!

I know my husband is "strong" enough to handle this but he is going to be a Grouch! LOL  The final of all of this is TDay dinner where he can eat whatever he wants!! LOL

1 Year

This past year has been Crazy, Wonderful, Insane, Amazing and I wouldn't change it for anything! One year ago today I made the choice to change my life (and mind and body) forever! I have made some pretty awesome choices in my short 33 years thus far but this is without a doubt one of the Best choices I have made (besides Husband and Daughter!) I feel like even though I may not be happy with my job or whatever I am so happy to just being living as ME! The ME that deep down inside I knew was there but just had a hard time finding her. I was given this gift and I have used it to my advantage everyday in order to find that "skinny" girl inside me! I do still have my moments where I don't mentally feel like I'm thin and honestly I still feel FAT, very fat It makes me very sad when sit here and think about how I feel in those moments because looking in the mirror just proves that I am far from fat! But I know that I do not see the same person in the mirror that others see when they look at me. I have been called "skinny" by others recently (those I'm not close with) and it's very surprising to me that people do think that when they see me because again, I do not see that! I do see/feel Healthy and that is really what it was all about! I want to live a long Happy life and being obese wasn't going to get me that!
Some of you may know that I didn't come into this decision all by myself. A very large part of my choice was because it was supposed to be my husband and I both doing it and then in the end he didn't do it. I still wish ALL THE TIME that he would have so that he can feel the same amount of JOY that I feel in being so healthy but I do have  faith that he will evently get there. But even though I didn't choose this 100% for me in the very begining it is ALL about me Now! LOL

GOAL!!!

WOOHOO!!  GOAL Weight Today!!!  11 months and 3 weeks and I'm There!!!  There were so many days that I really didn't know if I would make it here or not but I Did It!!!!  It's such a FANTASTIC feeling that I can't even describe! LOL

I went from 250.8lbs to 150.8lbs in less then a year!  Size 24W (wide LOL) pants to a size 8 and a 2-3XL top to a Med, ring size 9-10 to a 6-7ish (don't know for sure yet) and even my shoe size went down partially because I don't need a Wide one anymore! HEHE

Now, how do I reward myself?? LOL  I have learned that food is Not a reward so I think I need to Shop! hehe