11 months

So today I am 11 months post op and I have had my first "freak out" about my weight!  I haven't really lost/nor gained over the last few months and it's really hitting me now that I really want to hit my goal weight.  I have just let my body go and do what it wanted to do as far as my weight loss went but I have always said I wanted to hit goal by my 1 year mark and now that I'm down to only 1 month left I am really freaking out!  I feel that I have really been doing good for me and I think I know what it's going to take during maintence but I don't want to be in maintence yet, I still want/NEED to lose 8-10lbs!!  I am drinking a TON of water each day, watching my carb intake (now I'm going to try and lower it even more) and make sure I'm getting enough protein in.  But I guess my exercise has been lacking and what I have been doing is the same thing so I guess I really need to mix it up and start doing something different.  I have been losing my motivation again and I need to find it and get back to it! I have my finals this weekend and then I'm done with school so no more excuses about needing to do that instead of working out! I need some workout partners again, that always helps keep my motivation going!!!
I do think my body is going through some adjustments again.  My face is breaking out, more hair on the face, weight not moving, headaches, foods that I have ate before now not agreeing with me!  I've been sick more times in the last three weeks then I have in the last 11 months and I'm NOT happy about it!  I HATE getting sick!  Just today, I made a protein shake for lunch and within minutes it was right back up :( UGH!
I know this is a journey, not a race but for whatever reason I have just always had it in my head that I was going to hit goal by 1 year!  I know I should be happy where I am, I'm HEALTHY and happy with  my size but I want to see those numbers on the scale!
Recent NSV as I was doing laundry last night I grabbed a pair of my jeans and was going to fold them and thought to myself, "Whose jeans are these?" I knew they were too big to be Pax but no way they were mine, their too small!  Nope they aren't too small, they are mine and I'm wearing them right this second! LOL

10 Months

10 Months post op and have now officially had the BEST NSV thus far - SIZE 8 JEANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I CANNOT believe that I am in single digit size!!!  Went to the Mall because I had time to kill and figured I would try on some jeans.  I grabbed size 10 and 8 in each of their different styles (diva, flare, sweetheart, etc) and some of them didn't fit, in either size, but the 8s in these awesome skinny jeans sure do fit!! WOOHOO!!!  I am still yoyoing with my weight just a little right around 158-160 but I am loosing size!  I had Shane take a few pics of me for my 10 month and also here is a picture of me in the dressing room with the size 8 jeans on!!

Before Picture and Now Picture

I was looking through pictures on my computer this weekend with my neighbor to show her my before shots since she didn't know me then and I came across this photo and was BLOWN away!  I tell ya it's still so weird for me.  I sit here and don't feel like I'm that much of a different (looking) person from 9 months ago but then I see the pictures and I'm like OMFG!! LOL

150something

My goal has ALWAYS been to weigh 150lbs.  I think this is a good number for my body and I have never come this close to weighing it!  I was OVERJOYED this morning when I stepped on the scale and it said 159.4!! A part of me knows that I will hit my goal weight but there is another side that is really reluntant to believe it.  I've done this weight thing A LOT throughout my life and I just don't want to be disspointed again.  I know that since I have been sleeved everything is different but you can't help but think about the what-ifs. 

I have been REALLY bad about exercise over the last few weeks.  I have done NOTHING :( UGH I know, horrible!  I sit here and I'm So tired and I say I can't work out, I'm tired, well I'm tired because I'm getting no physical exercise! I really just need to bring my workout clothes to work and get my butt over to the gym after work, no more excuses!

Eating, well it's been good and bad.  I've been very snacky lately and I know it's because I've let myself eat a lot more carbs and not as much protein!  That will always be a work in progress though.  I will find a good balance for a little bit and something will change.  I know the rest of my life will be working towards a good balance!

BUT Overall I am SO HAPPY with where I am!!!  159 BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Changes

So I know I have physcially changed with the weight loss, it's right there, very apparent that I have lost a lot of weight (unless you are just meeting me) but what isn't right there in your face is the change that has happened on the inside.  I can say that yes I am the same person I have always been but it is really different.  Self-confidence does a lot of things to people in good and bad ways.  When I was heavy I was really good about putting a "face" on and making people believe that I was self-confident but deep down inside I really wasn't.  Now with the weight loss I have been becoming more and more self-confident and I know it shows in the clothes I wear, how I carry myself and my just over all demeanor.  SO I got a strange idea that with all of this change I should change my looks even more and I cut off all my hair!  This was HUGE for me.  I have had the same hair style my WHOLE life and have always been too scared to do anything different.  So here I sit with a "new" body and a new haircut and now I am starting to feel not so confident anymore!  I know that doing something this drastic with my hair is going to take time to get used to so I am trying to be paient! It's so crazy that I can go from feeling so great about myself to not feel so great about myself!  I keep telling myself that yes it is a lot of what I feel about myself but also how my husband feels about me and he swears he LOVES my haircut and he wants me to keep my hair super short from here on out!  I am a whole new person and I do feel that this hair cut shows that!

8 Months

Okay well I'm not really all the way there yet but super close and I had a quick minute to post! LOL  I still LOVE my sleeve!!  Things have been going Super well in my journey!  I haven't been losing super fast but I am okay with that.  I am down to only like 15lbs away from goal weight so I figured it would slow down some.  This week I have really been trying to get back to basics though and pay attention to my protein intake and lower my carb intake and I feel even better because of it!!  I will officially weigh in on Monday but it seems that I did lose a good amount this week but I know my weight does change a lot throughout the week!  I had hubby take pictures today because we had a minute and I also learned how to make them into side by side pictures!  So here is my before and now picture!  Down approx. 85lbs!!

Adjustments

Adjustment is the best word I can think of right now for what I feel I am going through!  Shoot, the past 7 months have been one big adjustment after another since Surgery but again I really feel that I'm going through another "big" one!  I am now back to living with my family and to cook and sit down for dinners together.  I have been eating SO BAD for months now and I think it is finally catching up with me.  I am still a firm believer that I don't want to be "dieting" but just want to eat healthy, enjoy what I can eat and just LIVE life!  I have been neglectful of my protein intake though so that MUST change!  I have also been out of touch with working out and after doing 2 5Ks this past weekend it showed!  Yes, my times were still "normal" for me but if I had been training and working out like I should they should have been better! 

I also haven't made another appointment with the NUT yet :(  She's kind of annoying so I don't know if I want to really deal with her until I get myself back on track!  So far this week things have been good except the scale :(  That dang thing is going to really annoy me this week!  I was up at my weigh in on Monday and so I went ahead and stepped on it on Tue and I was up even more! UGH :(  I have got all my protein in on Mon and Tue and I did a step class last night and I held 2lb weights and did arms throughout the whole 45 min class!! WOOHOO!!  Hurt but felt Great too! LOL

I LOVE to work out but I just have to find the time with my family being here!  I need to make myself get up early and go run because I have to admit, I do miss running!  CRAZY I know! LOL

So I totally feel that I am all over the place, which reading back over this I am! LOL  BUT that is me, I have always been all over the place so just deal with it!

I am happy though, that is for sure!  I am wearing a size 10 pants and a Med top and right now my weight is around 167.  I still want (SO BADLY) to see 150lbs but we'll see what my body has in store for me!  As for my size, I am HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!!  I haven't been a size 10 since HIGHSCHOOL!  It's still just so crazy to think that in highschool I was "fat" though at a size 10 and now I am rejoiceing to be this size! LOL